Quite a long time ago I had a dream where I was a woman (not my gender outside of the dream). I don’t think I recall what I looked like, besides fairly slim and I might have been wearing a dress.
I was at a party, having a good time or maybe not (I don’t remember many details about this dream, because I had it years ago and I didn’t keep a dream journal yet). I think I just watched one conversation evolve, not getting involved myself.
After a bit, I left alone. I think I took my car and just drove away. Over at the party, there had been an orange lamp on the wall, but most of the scene was pretty dark. Now the orange was slowly taking over as I continued driving.
Then I arrived at a cliff. Here the orange was at its brightest, the morning sun had conquered the shadows of the night. I got out of the car and jumped off the cliff.
The suicide wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. In the past, I have often had thoughts about suicide and though I didn’t usually dream about it, it didn’t seem surprising.
I don’t think I thought much of the fact I was a woman in the dream, even thought it was a fairly good experience. Maybe I thought nothing of it because of the nature of dreams, or because at least at the time I didn’t care what gender I was. I think now I might care a little bit, just lucky I was born in a matching body.
I think what did strike me was that I wasn’t myself in this dream, something I had at least not noticed being the case before this one.
I also don’t think I believed you could grasp any special meaning from dreams. However, about a month ago, I heard dreams aren’t all random either. In the Netflix docuseries The Mind, Explained, I learned that the emotions of the day can have quite an impact on what you dream about. Citizens of Germany during Hitler’s rule, for example, had a lot of very dark dreams.
Up until a few weeks ago, I was having plenty of luck, remembering and writing down my dreams. Now unfortunately not so much. So, I can’t examine if my emotions too have quite the impact on my dreams.
Despite that, I did find it odd that the episode stated that only 5% of peoples dreams take place in locations the dreamer doesn’t recognize. To me, this seemed very low, so I checked my journal for a bit and though my dreams take place in unknown places a lot more than 5% of the time, my initial guess, of almost all maybe 90%, is also probably wrong.
Something I didn’t post back in 2016 because I didn’t have the energy to polish it. This might get a bit confusing (very appropriate), since I’ve tried this before, in May 2016, but failed to publish it then. I kept the intro I wrote back then in this post (just to torture you, jk). Some context, Daphne was my girlfriend when I was 10 or so years old.
For me the Daphne period of life has ended. I think I can let go of the pain now. It did produce quite a spurt of creativity inside me. I wrote in a diary and in a notebook plus a thing I shouldn’t mention. The work might be too unstructured to properly publish or even make into something decent. So now I leave you, dear reader and myself, with one the last post that was actually one of the first things I wrote after hearing of Daphne’s death.
I calmed down again since I’ve written my last post. Of course I still feel some grief, but it’s now mostly present in the back of my mind, instead of consuming almost every moment, like it’s done in the past two days.
When I first found out about Daphne I wrote a lot and talked to a lot of people about it. In that emotional chaos my dad showed me a page in a book called “Who’s who in the Ancient World”:
Daphne (‘bay’ or ‘laurel’)
A Greek mountain-nymph who was pursued by Apollo, and in answer to her prayer for help changed by Mother Earth into a bay or laurel tree….
The story goes on after this first sentence, but for the purpose of this blog post the mere essence of the first sentence suffices.
After showing me the Daphne of antiquity, my dad also told me that we have a Daphne plant in our garden. He said it was there when we moved in. But in recent years other plants have hidden the Daphne plant from sight and he thought the plant might have been dead too. The next day he showed me a picture of the Daphne plant and we went to look if she was still there.
The plant wasn’t dead there was still something of the Daphne plant remaining. It is the plant with the light greenish leaves in the picture below.
I think I’ll try to give it more space and if the plant is also dead, I’ll plant a new Daphne plant. Maybe when I do so a new Daphne will be born too. Reality of course doesn’t work that way but in fiction we can pretend it does.
Here I’ll give a note from the present (May 2016), the Daphne plant hasn’t died. After my mom and dad came back from their vacation in Greece, my dad saved the Daphne plant for me, by removing parts of the plants that were blocking its acces to the sun.
In a way her death makes me feel the suffering of others more… I probably couldn’t have saved her even if I tried to contact her again. But maybe she will inspire me to safe some other lives. My first thought was to do something political, but the succes of such endeavours would always be uncertain. Today I was called by someone from the red cross. I have made some one time donations to them, and the person calling me wanted to know if I’d be interesserend in having a monthly “subscription” thing. I said I’d prefer not to since it’s often necessary to change where your charity goes depending on circumstances, however now the circumstances dictate that the redcross is probably in need of more donations than usual. I think I remember the guy on the phone telling me the redcross is the only organisation with acces to the region of Syria. A quick google search falsified that statement, however I do agree that the redcross currently probably needs more money than usual so I’ve donate something to them.
Some last notes from 2020.
I now know much better what charities (and methods of giving) are more effective. GiveWell has a list of evidence backed charities. This might not literally be the most good you can do with a charitable donation, since GiveWell requires pretty solid evidence a charity actually works and some charities might have more uncertain but potentially bigger impacts. It is a very good start though.
The Daphne plant is dead. I guess that’s ok. It was always only of metaphorical importance.
This post could probably do with some more editing, but I probably shouldn’t return to it again soon, because of mental health reasons, so I’ll publish it now anyway. Might occasionally edit it.
(half) a tomato per portion ( I started out with half a tomato per slice of bread, but since I now usually make only one portion, I use the entire tomato and like it that way too)
sambal to taste (I usually use about 4 teaspoons or so)
4 slices of (vegetarian) pepperoni per portion
brown bread (preferably with sesame seeds) or a simit
Put some olive oil into a frying pan on high heat. While the oil heats up slice the tomato into thin slices. Put the tomato slices into the frying pan. With a spatula or big (wooden) spoon make sure the tomato slices don’t lie on top of one another.
Add the sambal to the frying pan.
Stir for about 15 seconds or until things start to splash because of the heat then add the egg(s) and immediately resume stirring.
Do this until the egg begins to set and starts to properly looks like scrambled eggs then add the pepperoni and put your bread into a toaster.
When the bread is done so are your eggs. Place the dish on the bread and it’s ready to eat.
Menemen is originally a Turkish dish and I found out about it from the following video about food in Berlin.
‘Design thinking’ is being sold as a methodology for sticky problems. It is also being sold as a process that just about anyone can use to solve ‘wicked problems’. Either something is slightly inconsistent between these two claims or it’s one hell of a method.
‘Contrary to popular opinion, you don’t need weird shoes or a black turtleneck to be a design thinker’ Tim Brown writes (HBR, June 2008). ‘Nor are design thinkers necessarily created only by design schools… many people outside professional design have a natural aptitude for design thinking, which the right development and experiences can unlock’.
50 to 100 gram per person of Rice per person (I use a mix of mostly brown rice and a little bit of pandan rice)
1/3 to 2/3 of an orange per person
1/2 to 1 of a banana per person
(Garden gourmet) vegetarian meatballs 3 to 7 per person (these don’t really taste like meatballs, but are kind of perfect for rice with satay sauce)
Any cooking oil
Satay sauce (I make the satay sauce from calvé peanutsauce, between 50 and 70 grams per person. The calvé thing is a spiced peanut butter designed to make satay sauce out of. I also add a dash of Ginger powder, galanga plant root powder, Coriander powder, Cayenne pepper, and some sambal oelek to taste. The last one is a kind of grounded chili pepper with salt. I also add Ketjap manis to taste, which is a sweet and salty kind of soy sauce).
Cook the rice (I cook it for 10 minutes in water about double the volume of the rice, which is the time indicated on the package).
Fry the vegetarian meatballs in the oil and follow the instructions on the package. You should only have to flip them once. I usually start on the satay sauce while the rice is cooking and the “meatballs” are frying.
Put the spiced peanut butter into a saucepan along with some water (a little more water volume than peanut butter) stir the mixture until it has boiled and is smooth, then stir the spices into the mixture. Add a splash of water. When the sauce is smooth again, add the sambal and ketjap and stir until blended in. Once the mixture is smooth again the sauce is ready. The amount of water you should add depends on how thick you want the sauce to be.
When the rice is done cooking drain out the water from the rice and add some ketjap manis and stir the rice.
After the sauce and “meatballs” are done too, slice the orange and banana and put them into a bowl (or on your plates).
Put the food on plates and done.
If you want to change the recipe here’s some variations I sometimes use:
add apple and/or Belgian endive to the fruit
Serundeng on top of the dish
Some krupuk with the dish
Replace the “meatballs” with an egg
I think it’s a family dish. Either my dad came up with it on his own or he read it in a book, a long time ago.
Today I dreamed that I was a kind of society builder. Kind of like the thing you are in certain strategy games, but I also was a physical person and not just a camera moving around.
I built my society near a portal to something quite different. Near a portal to a salt-based society where people were made out of salt. The salt people had a builder too.
Their builder and I had terms for the kind of relationship our societies had with each other, for example, isolated or integrated.
One day I visited the salt people’s land. Their society, like my own, is focused on specialised areas that create certain things, for example, there are areas where the salt people focus on gathering salt and areas where they are making a tv show and where they are reproducing. In their society, every area has its own subspecies of salt people.
During my trip, I hear that their builder has almost one platinum coin.
On the way back I save one of the subspecies of salt people, that is responsible for making a tv show, by relocating them from a very crowded area to an area where they have enough space. Once I finished saving the subspecies the dream ends and I wake up.
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