Out of the desert

My mind was in the desert for a while
My thoughts dried out by desert wind
Motivation rare like an oasis
Depression stretched out across the vast sands of time
Energy was like the rain
Rare and quickly fleeting

Now the rain is coming back
The oasis expands
Life springing up every which way
Blossoming plants
Leaves every which way
Drinking from the rain
Catching the sunlight
I hope for me it won’t be as short and rare as life sprung up from desert rain

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Mostly written some time ago. Recently I’ve experienced a few dips in my mental health, but I hope I’m currently again getting out of a valley. I’m not sure what started the valley I’m currently still (partially) in.
It started after a day in which I had eaten very little (I tried to only eat in the evening that day and limit how much I ate). That day I also had a very negative experience with someone on Twitter, maybe that contributed a bit too.
After that day I felt a distinct lack of energy. Very much a desert feeling. Feeling like you’re in the desert, slow, maybe thirsty, a little tired, with no motivation to do anything.
I hope I’m indeed getting out of the “desert.” It’s not a nice mental place to be in.


Seasonal Cookies

Winds do travel all so fast
How soon will they reach us through the dark
From all over the world they hurl and weep

From the beginning a global thing
Winds of ships or winds through sites
They connect us on this night
Through the cables the vibrations pass
Worlds of colour or black and white
You can find their sails inside the web
We seek magic, connection but mostly cats

I sit here typing
I should be in bed
But this place among the winds
It’s too hypnotic to let me dock
So I sit here writing… at 3 am
When will I set foot on long lost dreamland?

Dream Journal: Electric Workout

Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels

Today I dreamed I joined a running group halfway through their run. At first, it was fun. There were dogs (in the dream world there was even a running group just for dogs) there are humans, children and old people. Quite fun.

Then I discovered with some dread, the group touched electric wires to shock themselves. They believed the electric shocks helped them burn calories.

Eventually, they take a break to hear their leader speak “I sense there’s someone among you who doesn’t belong. Someone who doesn’t approve of our electrical workout. Show yourself!”

Their leader is a giant figure, I wouldn’t want to get caught by him, but I am. He lifts me up towards their ultimate electric helmet, the hexashock. I put on the helmet and try to fly away, but the helmet shocks me and as I try to get it off I wake up.

I lie in my bed. It is 5am. I write down this dream and go back to sleep.

Psychiatry

I followed the shadow down a path
I didn’t even notice how
When I didn’t look
The shadow burned down the path I came

Now I’m stuck here in the dark
Forced to follow the shadow once more


This poem might be an unfair characterisation of psychiatry as a whole, but I feel like it describes my experiences with it fairly well. I feel like the psychiatrists I have had didn’t know about all the risks of the medication they prescribed. In some cases not even all the known risks. As a result I feel like they lead me down a darker path than my life would have taken without them.