Don’t get me wrong I think it is probably one of my better posts, but I have weird feelings about the way it got successful.
My previous post got that many views because I actually promoted it. I didn’t really promote it for the sake of it getting a lot of views. I promoted it because I needed to talk to people about it so I shared it on my social media. I had some nice conversations with some people, and those people got to know some things about me they didn’t know before. But this whole post has been building up to it hasn’t it? It feels very wrong to “use” the death of someone I cared for, even if I didn’t really know her anymore, to “launch” some sort of internet succes. These are unfortunately feeling I haven’t found the exact cause for so I can’t “rationalise them away”… I think this post is going to do worse anyway, since I’m not in the mood to “market” this post beyond a simple twitter and perhaps facebook share. That’s maybe for the best…
Here’s a video talking about similar but not identical feelings enjoy 🙂
She died a few months ago but I didn’t see the facebook posts until today. I never really saw her after primary school, although I did think of her often. I didn’t have her on facebook jet, since I didn’t know her last name and I didn’t have facebook until I was almost at the end of highschool. I looked up her profile today and she was really beautiful. Her hair colour changed and of course she had become older too. She looked happy in lots of the photos, but the people who posted about her death think she might have committed suicide.
A few years ago I made a few attempts to do so myself. I wanted to jump off a tall building, but there was a small wall on the upper floor so it prevented me from going through with it.
I’m kind of sad, but I never get that devastated by the death of people I know. I kind of want to visit her grave, but I don’t know where it is. I think I’d like to pray, even though I don’t believe in supernatural entities. Not all aspects of religion depend on you actually believing they’re true.
I sent a message to her facebook profile. Of course she’s not going to see it, but I thought it might be therapeutic for me to do so. I really miss her now, even though I’ve not seen her in about 13 years.
I think I’ll keep this post short, but I really want to talk to people, so maybe leave a comment.
Occasionally I’ve been sketching a bit as a kind of self help against stress and depression. Today (actually yesterday since it’s past midnight) I decided to upload my latest sketches onto a deviant art page, and decided to look for some of my older ones and upload them too. I’m not sure how much I’ll talk about any potential meaning behind the art here, part of the fun of looking at art is coming up with your own meaning after all. But if I have a very important meaning in mind that is not going to be obvious, I’ll allude to it here on my blog.
But without further ado:
I don’t know how stable (They could change over time, or be different in different circumstances) the 5 core beliefs that I describe and argue in this post and my previous post are, however I feel like they are important (some a bit more than others) to me. Also the list of arguments for these beliefs (and of course against them as well, though I haven’t really shown you arguments against these beliefs) is of course a lot larger than I’ll provide in either of these posts. However I hope that these two posts give you some insight into who I am, at least politically/philosophically, and reveal some of the biases that this blog probably has.
1) I belief that equality is important, both in the economical sense as in the equal rights sense. Continue reading My 3 positive core beliefs about the world
I think I have 5 beliefs that fundamentally shape the way I see the world and the way I interact with it. But before I continue, I must write that this self analysis is not based on the concept of core beliefs within psychology, which seems to be more based on beliefs about oneself. Instead the name is just something I came up with to describe 5 beliefs that I hold important in my life.
Here I’ll introduce the two negative beliefs I hold, and in the next post I’ll introduce the 3 positive ones. Continue reading Some of my core beliefs about the world
I’m not angry very often, and I don’t like to be angry. This is something I’ve had ever since my childhood. I even had an period (around the age of 14), that I actively tried to ban all emotions from my mind. It was actually kind of successful and I hope that it didn’t do too much damage to my mental health. Continue reading How I deal with anger, or the way I try to choose the people in my life
It’s been almost a year since I last wrote on this blog. Some things have happened since then but not that much of note. I mainly went to a lot of debating tournaments among which the world and europeon university championships (sounds like a big deal but it’s not really. The “sport” is pretty small, so if you’re into it you can go to these kind of championships pretty easily).
One of the things that’s changed however is my look on the future. From what I can gather last I wrote I was still aspiring to become a physicist, I do also remember that at the time I didn’t actually enjoy physics anymore and my interest in it might have been slightly fading, I still enjoyed writing about it on this blog and telling people about it. However I no longer enjoyed actually doing physics stuff. This is still true and because of that I don’t think want to do physics related work in the future, I do still intend on finishing my degree mainly because I’ve almost finished it already and I don’t know whether I would ever want to do a degree in something else. But basically I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I however do have a plan on how to find my way again.
I don’t know how much I will write in the future, but I will try to keep this time. At least I’ll try to be a little less picky with the posts that I publish, since there are a ton of posts that I wrote but didn’t publish because I thought they weren’t good enough.
When I first chose to study physics I did that in part because I thought it would be the best way for me to help humanity as a whole. The reasoning behind this was that research into physics would further human knowledge about the fundamental nature of space, matter and time, which in turn yields technical advances which benefit humanity. Another reason why I thought I would benefit humanity the most by becoming a physicist is that I thought that might be the topic in which I had the most talent, I always was bad in just memorising stuff and physics and math are the research areas where you need to memorise the least amount of things but instead need to have an talent for understanding things and an talent for using logic. Before I end this blogpost I apologise for not posting anything for while.