She died a few months ago but I didn’t see the facebook posts until today. I never really saw her after primary school, although I did think of her often. I didn’t have her on facebook jet, since I didn’t know her last name and I didn’t have facebook until I was almost at the end of highschool. I looked up her profile today and she was really beautiful. Her hair colour changed and of course she had become older too. She looked happy in lots of the photos, but the people who posted about her death think she might have committed suicide.
A few years ago I made a few attempts to do so myself. I wanted to jump off a tall building, but there was a small wall on the upper floor so it prevented me from going through with it.
I’m kind of sad, but I never get that devastated by the death of people I know. I kind of want to visit her grave, but I don’t know where it is. I think I’d like to pray, even though I don’t believe in supernatural entities. Not all aspects of religion depend on you actually believing they’re true.
I sent a message to her facebook profile. Of course she’s not going to see it, but I thought it might be therapeutic for me to do so. I really miss her now, even though I’ve not seen her in about 13 years.
I think I’ll keep this post short, but I really want to talk to people, so maybe leave a comment.
I decided to write another post about the nerdy romantic things I have done in the past. This one took place around valentine’s day about 2 years ago. That year a few days before valentine’s day me and the other physicist and astronomers of my year had our first quantum mechanics final, at the time I was also a little bit in love with one of the girls in my year, only from a far though I did have some conversations with her but we weren’t really close. Well for valentine’s day I wrote her a love poem with some quantum mechanical concepts mixed in, she didn’t really react the way I had hoped she would but I still like the poem:
The poem of the quantum love:
With the atoms my heart goes
For uncertainty is on the loose
I cannot know where it goes
While I still know where it is
But I hope it will be yours after time has done its work
The quantum mechanical concept I put into the poem is Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle which basically says that you cannot know the position and the momentum(classically mass times velocity) of a particle at the same time.
Today I was watching a video from day9 where among other things he told a story about how he asked a girl out by writing an letter in old english and got an java script as answer (if you want to hear the details watch the video) and this reminded me of the time I wanted to sent a girl a valentines day card but wanted to do it anonymus. So what did I do I made a new email adress with my name encrypted in the email adress name, by using an easy encrytion scheme namely taking the first prime number to be “a” the second prime number to be “b” etc (a key like that is called a cryptographic key) and emailed her the drawing I had made and scanned.