I had a really nice evening yesterday. I went to one of the regular evenings of my debating society. I think the debates were some of the best I’ve ever seen. But that might also be because my mental state was perfect for watching a debate and thinking about it yesterday.
Despite this, or perhaps because of this, I did feel kind of weird. When I was talking to Robin and Takenori (two of my friends) at the bar, I wondered: how is it that everyone else seems to always be in this state of mind, where you can truly listen and bring truly great ideas to the table? Whereas I am only on rare occasions in such a mental state. I’m not sure to what extent this perception of mine was true or merely a skewed view I had of things.
Whether my perception was accurate or not it did make me feel a bit like the main character in “Children Are Bored on Sundays” by Jean Stafford. The main character, Emma (one of the people present at the debating evening is also called Emma), is a very smart woman who thinks she’s not smart.
The reason I recognized that feeling within myself, is perhaps not only caused by the debating evening itself, but also my own reminiscing of primary school. When I was always the kid with by far the most spelling errors, and humiliatingly had to put my hand down last when numbers of spelling errors were asked for in class.
My general state of being doesn’t help either. I’ve, unlike Emma, not finished any degrees. I’ve only ever come close. And I, probably also unlike Emma, am still far ways away from making any real money off off my intellect. Sure I’ve taught physics and math a bit to highschool kids but those aren’t my ideas, and as far as ideas of other people go, also not the most challenging.
But enough about me below here is the short story in podcast form. For the one in writing I think you need an subscription.