I feel kind of guilty again. This feeling feels very much the same as the last post I did about it. However, it’s slightly different this time. I kind of feel that I shouldn’t take anything good away from Daphne’s death. That it should just be a terrible tragedy instead of also something “good.” But I am taking something good away from her death. The sadness I feel fills me with motivation to write things down. Now I’m even writing a very weird kind of book, because of it and in part about it. It might not be a book, it might become a game or visual novel or walking simulator. (This probably also means the post I promised will be the end of that novel or game. So you’ll have to wait for that one for quiet some time.) At least it’s going to be something, instead of the sadness and tragedy I almost feel that this should be. I’m wrong about that of course. Sure death is sad, but we are always allowed to make something good out of it. I’m not sure if Daphne would have wanted this to happen, and I think I want to talk to her parents about this and some other things, but it is happening. It’s the way I’m going to deal with this sadness.
I also kind of feel like I don’t deserve to be sad. That because I haven’t seen her in 12, 13 or maybe even 14 years. I don’t deserve to be sad about her passing. That I can’t honour her memory because I didn’t really know her anymore. This is wrong too of course. Lots of people, which I actually know in real life, I know to the same degree as I know her. Those people and her I know more as almost an idea of a person than a person in and of themselves. And I bet that many people I know, now know me that way too. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be sad if I die or that I shouldn’t be sad if they die.
Today you’re getting a different post than I expected to give you. When I heard about the death of Daphne I did write quite a lot. Posts to the Facebook group I found out about her death from, a private message to Daphne her facebook profile, the post that went up that day, but also I half finished a post filled with poetic metaphor and yesterday and today I found a way to refine the central metaphor even more and link it back to my own thoughts and actions even more. However today I don’t have the energy to put in that kind of intellectual work. I’m tired from the emotional chaos of the weekend, and feel I should take a bit of a quit day to myself. Eat some food (I ate almost nothing yesterday) watch some Youtube, read some fiction and rest.
Creating fiction out of my real life experiences can wait a little longer.
If you watch the big bang theory (which you totally should) chances are you vaguely remember Sheldon Cooper talking about something called Flatland. Flatland is an satirical novel about Victorian culture with some nice mathematical concepts thrown in which are very well explained, it was written in 1884 by Edwin Abbott Abbott. In my post about Tachyons I talked a lot about string theory, 0 and 1 dimensional objects and more than 3 dimensions, this idea about different dimensional objects is one of the mathematical concepts that is very well explained in Flatland, but If you don’t want to read the novel I will explain it here. If the dot I just used to end the last sentence would have been infinitely small (truly in only one point) it would have been an 0 dimensional object also if _ the line I just used would have totally no width it would have been an 1 dimensional object, if you have a square that has totally no height it would be a 2 dimensional object, if the aforementioned square did have some height it would be a three dimensional object, at this point one would normally stop but mathematically there is no reason to stop at three dimensional objects, there could hypothetically be 4, 5 , 6 , etc dimensional objects sure it’s hard if not impossible for us to really understand what a higher dimensional object would look like, but mathematically we can calculate properties of such higher dimensional objects for example a line has an length L, a square has an Area L2 a cube has an volume L3, if you imagine a 4 dimensional “cube” you could imagine that it would have a property with value L4. If you want to read a little slower more story driven explanation of these concepts read flatland it’s so old that the copyright on it has elapsed but it is still good here are some links